We all fall off the wagon from time to time. A cheat meal here, an extra drink or two there, a skipped workout… but sometimes… it’s more than that.
I have been struggling lately and I’ve had a pretty hard time dealing with it. I have plenty to be thankful for – a healthy body, an extensive workout DVD collection (haha), equipment and a gym membership, live classes I can teach, a family that supports me, nutritious food in my kitchen. And yet, I struggle.
I get frustrated with a workout when I feel like my body isn’t strong enough. When my brain tells me it doesn’t want to stick to my meal plan, I get a “f*** it” attitude and I just want to eat junk. Changes at the gym don’t happen in one day, and our eyes tend to focus on the negative parts of our bodies instead of the positive progress. So I justify my choices and I tell myself one day won’t matter. One skipped workout or one day of eating what I want won’t affect me.
My hip injury was a huge mental setback for me, and I have a shoulder injury from last summer that still acts up. I feel weak when I can’t squat or bench the reps/weight I want to or when a workout is really hard. I get mad and walk out of the gym when cardio leaves me gasping for air. I feel like my body is failing me. I want to be strong and I want to work hard and it’s just frustrating when my body isn’t able to do what my mind wants it to.
I sometimes feel restricted by my meal plans. I want freedom to enjoy foods and drinks I love but they don’t fit my goals and I don’t like it. It sounds childish to even type this out, but I’m just being honest with myself. Sometimes I just want Doritos and 3 beers and half a pizza because it tastes SO GOOD and I get angry that I can’t have it. Sometimes I feel disgust at the thought of eating more meat or drinking a protein shake. I’d rather eat a bunch of fruit and nuts and veggies. I don’t want to do the workout that is planned for the day; I want to do what I WANT to do. Period.
These are all things I poured out to my coach – yes, this coach has a coach too – because I need her help, and I can only get help from her when I’m honest. Honest with her…but more importantly, honest with myself. She challenged me to think of some positives in my life. Things I’m proud of in my fitness life. Things that motivate me. Short and long term goals that I REALLY want to focus on right now. A daily affirmation that I will tell myself and BELIEVE when I say it.
It may not seem like much, but thinking about the questions she asked and really reaching inside myself to answer them helped me. Rethinking my goals, realizing what motivates me and acknowledging the GOOD and POSITIVE things I’ve accomplished… they were things I knew already but things that my mind didn’t want to think about. I was focusing on the negative and giving too much power to what I did wrong or what I couldn’t do, and not allowing myself to be proud of what I did well and what I CAN do.
I am so thankful I have my coach, my boyfriend, my friends and family, my coach family, and my challengers to keep me grounded and motivated. Without their support, I would let my brain take over. And while I have a very smart brain haha, it doesn’t always think what it should. But for now…for tonight…it’s back on track.